I had no idea there were that many Joburgers whose sexual preference is of the 'other' kind. Beefcakes popped up in Illovo recently. The Cape Town-based burger bar, famous for its hot, topless waiters, like any place new in our city, is now the place to be.
I tried to go twice before I actually set foot in the door - the first time my friends and I tried to book, they were full. Understandable, we called last minute. I wasn't making that mistake again. I called on a Thursday to make a booking for the next Tuesday. "Sorry, we're fully booked until the 20th of December." You're kidding. "I'll put you on our waiting list if you'd like?" Ja, sure.
And call they did. 7 o'clock on a Tuesday - Bitchy Bingo night.
They stuck our table right in front, giving us a great view of Cathy Specific, our host(ess) of the eve. She called one of the muscly waiters up as her 'bingo boyfriend' and gave us quite the show, asking which audience members were cocksuckers (roars from the crowd) and telling a couple of jokes before they rolled out the numbers.
The place was packed. Bingo players consisted of tables of gay men, 50-somethings, prim and proper women on a ladies' night out, office parties (I'd have killed to be in their office the next day when the men in tights had to show face) and a birthday or two.
One of the 50-somethings won round one. She celebrated with a bit of unexpected booty shaking on stage and walked away proudly, her new pink flamingo key ring in hand. Other prizes were bottles of wine and cooler bags.
When the game was over, all the Beefcake boys were called up on stage to parade the results of many an hour spent in the gym. You can do body shots off your waiter for R300! The crowd loved it.
Oh, lest I forget the burgers! Slimmer Sue for me (a patty, sans roll) and a regular Beefcakes Burger for my friend went down well with buckets of chips and 'candyfloss' wine (really just rosé) to wash it all down.
Beefcakes is a vibey, different kind of thing. Check it out, whether you're that way inclined or not.
198 Oxford Road, Illovo, Johannesburg
by Nicole Samakosky