RAMFEST
Who the hell was this car guard and why was he staring at me like he wanted sex? He looked like an inbred troll. Images of him living next to the lake and eating ducks started to compound my hang-over. I had had too difficult a morning to be faced with this kind of weirdness. Finding Emmarentia Dam had proved to be a mammoth task. I couldn't make sense of my directions; some swine had scribbled naked ladies with large breasts all over them. Probably me.
I walked briskly away from the Troll and his gigantic head and found myself at the festival gates and after some noise they let me in. It appeared someone had erected a shrine to Jagermeister. An ostentatious orange truck supported a two story blow up Jager bottle that loomed over the festival like an ominous black rubber dildo. The DJ incessantly played Muse and then, more Muse, until finally Westelrish came on. They got the ball rolling and pulled the crowd out of a heat coma. I was surprised by how young the band members were but they sounded great live and put on a good show. The next few bands sort of blurred together because my "man switch" flipped off - that's the part of the mans brain that shuts down when something sounds like a women complaining about her problems. Shame, poor narcissistic rock stars.
I was looking forward to Jack Parrow but when I went to grab a quick drink I hit a queue that dragged on for longer than Madonna's career. After over an hour of pushing my way to the front I was hit with a harsh set of truths; the bar was out of coke, brandy, vodka, sprite, cider, whisky and beer. I settled for rum and fanta. Poor organization, getting sun burnt and drinking vile crap; RAMFEST was finally starting to feel like a proper festival.
The sun was going down and The Narrow came on next. New energy surged through the crowd as the SA heavyweights walked on stage. They played like Vikings, blasting out old favorites and performing at a truly professional level. It was heartwarming to see a 100 strong mosh-pit erupt, trampling aKING and Lark supporters into Indie jelly. When dark had fully settled Boo! brought a new kind of crazy. Like some pants-crappingly awesome acid flashback they blew minds with purple spandex, 80's hair and shameless Rocky Horror.
Unfortunately I couldn't watch Lark because I was neither 15 years-old nor a lesbian. Instead I managed to make it to a pub on foot, get drunk, and stagger back in time for Pendulum. Some how things had changed during my brief respite, the energy was different. Green laser beams danced across 10 000 heads, people were jamming with a hard possessed madness and the Drum & Bass coming from the stage was incredible. Everybody was wired into the synergy of monstrously good beats and a heady lyrical flow. Around me it was like an advert for province pride. Unconscious bodies rimmed a seething mass of horny lunatics jumping fifty styles. It was one of those rare moments when you can't help but love this city and its nut-job locals. Strung out, stretched thin and wired to oblivion, who the hell else parties like this?
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What Others Said
Bjorno the Porno said
on 28 April 2010
Fucking amazing, my stomach muscles got a damn good workout.
marianne said
on 15 March 2010
now this is what I call a review! long live, long live!
Chantal said
on 11 March 2010
Excellent....I luv the writing style!
