Gender testing explodes in the wake of Semenya saga
Following the Semenya saga a number of sporting, political and other bodies have suddenly launched their own gender probes:
Sharks and Springbok management have announced a comprehensive gender test for JP Pietersen, who faces mounting video evidence that he runs and catches like a 10 year old girl. "Look, he's fast and scores a lot of tries and all that..." says a Shark's spokesperson. "But he runs totally naf, and there've been rumours building over the years and well, we thought it would be prudent to deal with the issue. We'll announce the results in two weeks."
Following the ashes defeat, Australian cricket authorities are considering forcing the entire squad to physically confirm the presence of their testicles at the Sydney Cricket Academy medical facilities. Stricken by the fact that they can't man up without Shane, many Aussie fans have in the meantime re-committed themselves to Aussie Rules. "Cricket? Oh? Was there a series on? I hadn't realised," said one fan immediately after the loss.
The DA is investigating rumours that Helen Zille is actually Hendrick Zuurman - ex 32 Battalion bush war combatant and nightclub bouncer who was known to have undergone a gender change operation in the late 1980s. "There are a few worrying signs, especially in the personality department. It's probably not true but it's better just to test her," commented one anonymous party source. "For legislative reasons alone we need at least one female in that cabinet..."
Rumours continue to circulate that Kirsty Alley actually may not be a human at all, but rather an exquisitely shaved, neurotic refugee gorilla from the mountains of Rwanda. "There's no other explanation for that kind of behaviour," said Hollywood analyst Lester Pinkington. "None at all. We're still looking for evidence that explains how she keeps so smooth - the species and gender tests could be crucial."
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