JHBLive Tries the V-Bar Experience
Pssst, the 'V' stands for Vagina
My first thought as I walked into a V-Bar in Sandton was, “She is going to touch me on my studio.” I’m not sure if that expression still lives or if it’s like the Macarena; something that is beloved but cannot be brought back to life.
Beforehand, I put on my best panties and some high heels, along with the rest of my usual layers, of course. And off I went to experience South Africa’s first vagina steaming treatment at Midori Eco Spa. Dressed with a ‘well-maintained, respectable citizen’ aesthetic in mind. I would imagine that the kind of lady who has on her monthly FNB bank statement, “vaginal steaming,” wears heels to the appointment and likes her whiskey with approximately 2 blocks of ice. Check, check.
I book my appointment under a fake name. I know I’m a weirdo but I guess this is something so strange to me I that I decided to make a full adventure out of it, undercover cop style.
‘Midori’ means green in Japanese. I learn it is an eco-friendly salon, if the name doesn’t spell that out for you. All of their products are organic, they don’t use chemicals. The environment follows this thinking with its led lights, natural fibres, natural woods as well as plenty of plant life – bringing the outside, inside. Everything works in harmony creating a relaxing space. This is highly effective as I feel more relaxed just being in the space. The staff’s warm energy helped too. Which, not to sound like a hipster, is important when finding a place to relax.
As mentioned, I am nervous. I have done no research. I need to be Tabula Rasa when I walk into a new experience, meaning I need a blank slate. Research comes after or I worry about the placebo effect. Knowing what to expect makes for a tainted experience in my humble opinion.
I sit in a dimmed room. Just to clarify: no-one saw my bits and no-one touched my private areas. I was wrapped up from the get-go in a covering and sat on the ‘V chair’ on my own with no one seeing or touching anything. Gentle classical music plays in the background, steam rising from the hole in the chair I am sitting on. It is gentle and I am comfortable. A goody bag of secret herbs has been mixed into the water. Anisha, the bar's owner, oversees this process. She tells me she is an expert in the area of herbs (among many other things) and knows the medicinal and healing properties of each herb.
A casual chat with her beforehand is had to discover what brings you to the V-Bar. From this, she figures out what herbs to mix for you. Each treatment is tailored to the specific needs of the client. The lady before me was trying to fall pregnant. Me? I am most definitely not. However, I do have painful periods. Oh, look at me over sharing but what the hell, this 30 (something) year old body is nothing to be shy about. So, the treatment which I initially, to be honest, thought was purely in the same arena as getting one’s nails done – is actually very much a process which addresses medical issues like period pain, infidelity, vj tightening, bladder infections, haemorrhoids, scarring from procreating, uterine fibroids as well as cancer.
The process is said to relieve stagnation in your body, to dilate blood vessels and increase circulation, as well as oxygenate and relax the pelvic floor muscles. It is said that there are what they call 20 ‘Midori babies’ who have gained access to the world through this process from mothers who just couldn’t fall pregnant. I don’t know if I would recommend this to every women, and I certainly think a conversation with your gynae or doctor should be had beforehand (the PH balance of your vagina is a delicate thing indeed), but personally, I walked out feeling ten times more relaxed than when I walked in.
I was one day off my period when I went, and I can imagine that going during your period is definitely a no no. My body normally still feels a bit angry 2 to 3 days after, but today being day two, my belly isn’t feeling bloated and I am much more relaxed than usual.
Did I mention I went twice? Their massages are life altering….
Over and out.